FRUSTATED!!!

REASONS:

1. First thing in the morning, I realized that I come to effective oral communication for nothing. We are supposed to do project and collate everything, but how are we supposed to do when one of my group member never come??? and he is the one who have the final draft. HAIZ. I’m so disappointed. and in the end what did I do??? study for accounting test??? wth. im really angry now. and because of that, we have to meet tomorrow after school to complete this project. If this doesn’t happen, I’m sure we could have at least done half of our project. But, now my plan is all ruined!

HUUH…HELP. I actually plan to do my sharepoint project tomorrow during the 4hrs break. BUT SEEMS THAT I CANT because of that stupid meeting which we are supposed to do during lesson TODAY. WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN.

I havent even started a single pathetic thing on my sharepoint internet webpage lah!!!

1. EFFECTIVE PROJECT(due on friday)

2. SHAREPOINT PROJECT -5% counted in exams!!(due on friday)

3. Tutorial 8 which is counted in my class participation marks!(due on thursday)

ALL THESE THREE I HAVE TO COMPLETE!!!

FML FML FML FML

NEXT, my accounting test. FUCK! in actual fact, i can get full marks. but only after a few hours after the test, i reflect and think back, I did wrongly. I knew i did it wrongly. Its not that i don’t know how to do, i just cannot thing correctly at that point of time. I did wrongly! I know how to do ok! If i fail it means that i actually passs cos that particular question i know how to do! I did the wrong format! SHIT LAH. I regret. REALLY REGRET!

FML FML FML FML

what a life!

i seriously hate my life. some people are having their good times out there. when will this end ergghh!!! life sucks for me.i feel like going away. Get away from here. I want to go missing and be out of this world. I feel like crying these days.

I know i can’t get away from my sucky life. I’ll just have to face it. If only I’m a millionare NOW, I’d be gone for sure. I’ll go somewhere very very far secretly without my family’s acknowledgment and I mean it. I mean I just need a break from all these. I need to calm my mind, repair my feelings, my own self, reflect what have I done. Here, in a hectic and busy environment, I can’t reflect a single thing about what I’ve done in my life and to my life. I want to stop whatever I’m doing now. I need some time for my own self to search my real and true self. I really need it. I need self discovery. Sometimes I am not myself. This is weird, i know. Sometimes, I don’t love myself. And how do i expect someone else to love me when I don’t even love myself. I need myself now. I think , I need myself now and not anyone else.

I need just myself to be somewhere at the far side of the world. I want to get away from here. I’m tired.

lonely afternoon

Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It’s been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.

Project fever

19 feb – 26 feb EXAMS

NOW- PROJECT WEEK!

This means that school is closing soon & soon enough i will be getting my results too. Please! i Hope can get a GPA of 3! (at least)

Then, school start again. Bringing myself to NYP again as a Year TWO student.

Anyway, today accounting lecture, I didnt fall asleep. Like for the first time i think. so, its like the first time in accounting lecture i understand fully. I fully understand. However, for the past 3/4 lectures, I dont understand a single thing cos i fall asleep and didnt manage to catch up and follow with the lecture. haiz. natasha natasha…. so gd luck to me for accounting. i better find my way out. accounting is my 2nd last paper. all the best NATaSHA.

a burden

How do you stop loving a person who has stop loving you?

why do i care.

oh my. something is wrong with me today. I dropped my handphone three times today in school.  And, I don’t know what happen to me, I just went home, rush out of school and forgot to take my laptop charger. too bad, have to get it on monday from Natalie, cos she was still in school and I ask her to keep it for me. and at home, a few minutes ago, I dropped my watch on the floor. !!! And that is the pink watch, Yun yi and Azmira bought for me for my birthday present!! huh…help. im seriously not okay today. the watch is seriously damaged and spoilt totally. SAD. so sad.i love that watch very very much cos its from the one i love and treasure so much! now that it is damaged i felt very bad and my heart broke too.. its cracked just like how my heart cracked when i kept thinking of him meeting that girl. sighss

just can’t stop sighing

I hate love. Love is a lie. Love is never true.

Whatever love. I hate YOU.

EXAM is coming. And I’m happy about it. 19 feb . YESYESYES.

Im not gonna fall for anyone anymore. Its a wasted feeling I guess. Feelings which I really need but I can’t say much.

Just carry on with shit life in school and live with myself. Im born alone, I’ll die alone. Everything in life is about my own self. and I can continue talking to myself when I’m alone.

Fine, you wont tell me.

:(:(:(:(:(:(:( why u dont want to tell me?? why so difficult to tell me?

Im nt going to do anything anyway. just want to know…………………

damn it damn it damn it

now how. Screwed larh. micro tutorial i dunno how to do!!!!!!

DARN.

natasha…dont be sad. k

tell me if you don’t want me to bother you anymore. I won’t bother you anymore. and anyway, why is it so easy to fake a smile, when it feels like your insides are being ripped to shreds. SIGH.

wait a minute. I’m not sad. I’m not sad. I’ve told myself to be happy no matter what happen, even the stupidiest thing that happens. I Must be happy!!!

But, as you know tears cannot be controlled. It will flow automatically when the heart does not feel right.

haiz.. natasha natasha.

natasha!! dont be sad!!=)=)=)

ok fine. I’m happy. I’m happy. HAPPY?? haha. =.=

lets start with the word CHAMELON

I started work today. 9 January 2010. And I love Mabel. She likes to disturb me. :p She is very kind to me. In fact all are nice to me. Even the supervisor is not arrogant, Rosiah the supervisor, She speaks so nice to me. Its me who has been scolding myself for being so blur while working. & blame my sweaty palms for those stupid work I did. It really makes the job difficult when my palms are wet. I cannot do the job properly. So suffering. Only Allah and me knws how it feels. But, I tell myself, no matter what, just don’t feel sad & be happy. There’s nothing that I could do here even though it really brings me down. T.T

NONONONONO. I should be grateful no matter what. No matter what ppl say abt palms, no matter what you feel inside, just let happiness come across your heart. I promise one day, I’ll find a cure for my sweaty palms. I really want. I don’t want to suffer anymore, any longer. Its fine. For the time being, I’ll have to live it and bare with it.

Anyway, for today I’ve calculated. I have worked 8 and a half hours and for 1 hour, I’m paid $5.50.So… 1 day I’ve earned $46.75. YEAH! =)

Anything never forget to say,  Alhamdulillah. Never forget Him. Thank You for everything You’ve given me.

Special thanks to:

Allah, that I have:

Mama, Baba, Kakak, Abg, Ika(family), Azmira, Yun Yi, Yu hui, Fang Yi, Natalie, Rui ying, Nisah, Pue theng, Fareez!

I hope they will be there for me whenever I need them. I love all of YOU, MUACKS!

happyhappyhappyhappyhappy